Saturday, February 2, 2013

How To Get Him To Commit And Marry You


Have you wondered why your man has not proposed yet? Do you feel like your relationship has been stuck in neutral for a while? Based on many years of living, speaking to other women, observing even more women’s lives, and reading countless books on the topic, here are the definitive solutions to your pressing dilemma.  How to get your man to marry you.


1.       Know What You Want. A strong value system is key. Know the values you must have in a man. You must also have non-negotiable criteria for practical things such as what happens if he gains 20 pounds.  The more closely aligned your values and non-negotiables, the more likely it is that he will choose you to be his life mate.

2.       Do Not Play Games. Paying hard to get is a girl’s tool, not a woman’s. A confident woman will get the answers she needs to know if he is worth the time she has put into the relationship. She does not have time to play games.

3.       Ask For What You Want. If marriage is important to you, then by all means, don’t hang around waiting to see what he will do. This just wastes your time and could sour your mood. Speak up. Tell the man you would like to be married and that you would like him to be the man you marry. His response will give you much of the information you need.

4.       Be Assertive. Don’t say “yes” to everything he asks of you because you think it will “keep” him.  Stand up for yourself. An assertive woman is one who knows she will be just fine with or without that man in her life. She has established boundaries based on her values and she is all positive.

5.       Don’t Be A Bitch. We’ve heard it over and over: men love bitches. No, they don’t. What they are attracted to is her chutzpah.  Her strength of character.  A man who finds himself in a relationship with a bonafide bitch, however, does not enjoy it. Men – Real men do not like drama!  She will either strip away at his ego until he has to let her go or he must be just as aggressive as she is which does not a great relationship make. The bitch is manipulative, selfish and deliberately hurtful.  Instead, be assertive. See #4 above.

6.       Be Independent. Before you begin dating, you must have your own money, your own friends, your own interests. Be sure to maintain every one of these throughout your relationship. Don’t blow off your girlfriends just because he wants to go take in a hockey game last minute. An exciting woman will keep him on his toes and he will see you as adding value to his life. Men do enjoy the chase and they have a healthy respect for the enterprising woman.

7.       Establish Clear Boundaries. If you do not want him just dropping by unexpectedly, make that abundantly clear.

8.       Don’t Be A Pushover - And Know Your Worth. No man ever married a woman simply because she does his laundry.

9.       No Shacking Up Before Marriage. Most women believe that when he asks to move in together that this is a sign that he wants to move toward marriage. Not so. Statistics show that if a man has not proposed within the first 18 months, the chances of him doing so begin to diminish thereafter. By the time you have been together 3 years, and he knows you would like to get married but still has not proposed, the likelihood of him marrying you after this time are slim to none. I like better odds, don’t you?

10.   No Sex Before Marriage. If he cannot wait for you, then he is not the man for you. Period. Spare yourself the heartache of that breakup and allow him to go find the woman he needs.

11.   Put Yourself First. This may sound selfish, especially for women who have nurtured children. But in fact, is one of the best things you could do for your relationship. When you take care of your needs, you are a happy and fulfilled woman. This translates into a more fun and easy to be with woman for him.

12.   Do Not Rush The Relationship. This is a lifetime commitment you are working on. It takes time to truly know someone. Rushing is desperate. And no man wants a desperate woman.

13.   Demonstrate Selectivity. Ask questions of your romantic interest that demonstrate to him that you are looking for particular qualities. Be clear about what you will accept in your life. He will see you as the self-respecting and assertive woman that you are and in turn makes him more attracted to you.

14.   Be The Fun Girlfriend. Don’t gossip constantly. Don’t gripe about all your problems. Use the time spent with your man for fun, for discussing and enhancing your life together, for deepening the relationship you share. If there is reason to be negative based on something he has done, set a time for it, decide how you will handle it and then get on with living. When you do talk about it, do not get crazy. Approach it with a fact finding, non-accusatory, and calm manner.  The worse than can happen is that he reveals himself to be the wrong man for you.  And as the wise, vivacious woman you are, you know that this too shall pass.

15.   Be the sexy woman he first met. We all have days when we are not at our best. However, never let him forget why you caught his eye in the first place. It is a fact of life that men are visual creatures by nature. If you don’t provide the eye candy, someone else certainly will. One caveat, though, do not go out of your way to be overtly flirty with other men.  There are women who erroneously believe that making their man jealous, or showing him how many other men would like to be with them will push him to propose. On the contrary, men value women who show self respect and selectivity. He would like to know that certain behaviors are reserved exclusively for him. Being overtly sexual with other men is a definite turnoff and will likely ensure that you never get that ring.

16.   Have A Sense Of Humor. After the initial dating period, life can get in the way. Develop stellar coping skills. Meditate. Do whatever it takes to hold onto your smile. It will not only lighten your day, but also his. When your man cannot help smiling when he thinks of you, guess what? He wont ever want to let you go.

17.   Last, but very important. Never, Never, Never Ever Be Clingy. That is the kiss of death for any relationship. Even if he hangs around for a while, he will only do so until he finds the type of woman he would marry. Clingy will never get you the proposal you want.

Being the astute woman that you are, I’m sure you must have observed that each point made focuses on you, the woman. Apart from being the best tried and true techniques used by women the world over, these are all real life tools for personal growth that will enrich your life, increase your overall feeling of well-being and help you become more of the well rounded passionate woman you were meant to be. You gain all that – whether you discover that the man you’re with is the one for you or not.

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Live each day Passionately - as though your life depends on it - Because it does! CJ Monet