How To Keep Him Attracted To You – 8 Sure Ways

Stage One: Attraction

Oh, those heady feelings of attraction. This is the first stage of dating. You see someone across the room and you feel an intense desire to go in for a closer look, your entire being is aware of his every move. You try to resist taking peeks at his physique, or his eyes are what draw you in. You don’t know why but you feel drawn like moth to a flame. It’s a deep instinct that seems out of your control.

  

Get Inside The Mind Of a Man

Attraction is easy. Most of us by now know what physical attributes we find attractive. Maintaining that attraction and setting the stage day after day for it to grow, now that’s more challenging. However, if you  You prepare by getting to know who you are, what you must have in a man in order to be happy.  You make it a priority to understand how men really think and the reasons for their sometimes confusing behaviors.  Many of us make the mistake of thinking that if a man is our soul mate that the relationship will just work out. The truth is that there are many communication pitfalls that can occur that derail even the most earnest of couples. If you want to understand more about how to communicate with men so love is easier, read Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus.

First Stage Of Dating: Attraction

have prepared yourself for finding true love, you will know how to get through this stage successfully.

Have An Open Heart

Another requirement for attracting love is to have an open heart. This is absolutely essential or we’re setting ourselves up for failure. Whether your heart is closed because someone hurt you in the past or you had a few bad dating experiences or perhaps because you are more focused on something else.

When your heart is closed, you are not ready to find true love. If you find yourself holding on to hurts, shame, resentments, distrust or any negative emotion from past relationships, you are not ready for love.  Have you ever noticed that after someone cheated on you that you became hyper-vigilant and even more than a little bit suspicious of your next partner’s actions? Even though he never displayed any behaviors that would suggest he would be unfaithful? You must resolve these negative emotions first to open up your heart for true love to come in and also so you your clean heart can discern when someone is wrong for you.  When your heart is holding on to pain, this pain will be a factor in who you choose and this could lead to you selecting the wrong person. Ideally, you want your choice to come from a pure open heart. so you can greet it lovingly without any emotional baggage from your past.

You Must Practice To Get Good At Identifying Good Matches

In his book Mars and Venus on a Date, John Gray, Phd, likens the search for a life mate to a game of archery.  It takes practice and with practice comes increasing proficiency. What you are aiming for (the target) is the right person and your attraction is the arrow.  He says “to aim and hit the center takes a lot of practice. Some people may hit the center right away, but most do not. Some people may take longer than necessary because something is wrong in their approach. It is the same with relationships. Each time you go out and discover that this is the wrong person for you, your mind will self correct, and next time you feel attracted to someone who is closer to being the right person [for you]. If someone is clearly far from your type then we need to compensate a lot, but if he or she is close, then we should compensate just a little.

Correctly assessing someone is important for fine tuning our ability to be attracted to someone who is either right for us or at least closer to the target. With accurate information we can make the necessary adjustments in our trajectory [until] eventually we will just aim and hit the target.”

Do You Know Exactly What You Are Looking For?

While it is important to be able to quickly assess someone without wasting too much time and without becoming attached to the wrong person, it is equally important for you to know who you are. Well. It is only by knowing yourself fully that you can accurately assess your needs, your truest  desires and then use this knowledge to define exactly the type of person who will fulfill your needs and make you happy. Many people find that their soul mates came into their lives only after they finally decide to do the soul searching and self preparation necessary to clear the way for true love to come in.  You must know yourself first. Too often I hear older women remark that “Im grown” as their way of covering mistakes, errors in thinking, errors in judgment that clearly happened because they do not know themselves as well as they claim to. Regardless the endeavor in life, if we are going to excel at it, we must prepare. We must do the work. Finding a mate for the rest of your life demands that you prepare or you may find that the love you find is not lasting.

How To Prepare For Love

This preparation is done by self inventory, by seeking out the help of a relationship coach, and by finding the best relationship books on the market. The best ones will teach you how to prepare yourself for love instead of simply regurgitating clichés that abound.  Cliches such as you have to be a bitch in order to find love. It’s those clichés that often keep us stuck in a love rut without us knowing why or what to do about it. They become part of our internal dialogue and we continue to repeat bad habits that cause us to miss out on true love.

An important part of preparing for love is independence. Too often we seek out relationships because we are needy in some way. Before we even begin dating, we must satisfy our basic needs on our own. We must learn to love being alone without being not lonely. We must develop our own interests and hobbies and a full lifestyle that reflects who we are, first. This way, we approach dating because we are self-sufficient, because we are whole and not because we are searching for someone to make us feel better or to help us fill a need.

Hopefully, before you prepare yourself for love before you feel that next tug of desire in a handsome stranger.

How To Keep Him Attracted in Stage One

In a nutshell, you look your best (so he maintains that image of you he was initially attracted to)and then you demonstrate who you are by the way you speak and by the things you do. No room for error, right? Too many women make the mistake of being unauthentic here which can only lead to dating disaster.

The importance of knowing who you are and living it every day is apparent here. If you are already striving every day to look your best and live your best life, this part is seamless. All that’s needed is for the right man to come into your life who appreciates that type of woman. Do not be fake. But be the best you can be.

Here are a few suggestions to get you started thinking of ways to impress your date and keep the attraction growing as you progress from the attraction stage:

1.        Make the effort to dress well. And dress appropriately. You don’t want to show up to go horseback riding in stilettos or he may immediately see you as an unsuitable match if he is looking for an outdoorsy type. Likewise, if you are going to a restaurant, get a feel for the dress code. Remember, he was attracted to you because you presented a certain image. Men enjoy the feeling of having an attractive woman on their arm. Maintain that image and he will continue to feel attraction.

2.       Skip the negative aspects of your day. As women, when we feel comfortable with someone, we tend to share everything. We discuss our frustrations or fears, our secret dislike for our boss. There will be time much later on if the friendship progresses to the intimacy stage for him to slowly discover these things. When women discuss negative issues, men immediately think (in error, of course) that we are asking for help or advice. This early in the dating game, a man may see it as needy. You want to avoid him misinterpreting your off-the cuff story of a bad day at work as your inability to take control of your life. Too many negative stories and he may begin to associate you with negativity which does not every lead to romance. Or, he may think you are simply a women who is difficult to please. I say, spend your time on topics that demonstrate how much you enjoy the life you have. The attraction stage is best used to share the wonderful things you do and are. Let him see you at your best. Save the complaining for your girlfriends. They already know how wonderful you are.

3.       Draw him into conversations that help you get to know his essence. Though you must ask about boring topics such as his work, don’t make the mistake of allowing him to dominate the conversation with work stories. You direct the conversation. Gently.  Get to know what makes him laugh, where he goes on vacation, what his hobbies are. Get him talking about why he was attracted to you. Learn how to be playful and teasing without being overtly sexual. These are the conversations that will keep him thinking of you and panting for the next date. Remember, this is simply the attraction stage. You already know that you both have plenty of physical attraction to go around. Your goal is to keep it that way. You also need to know at this stage if there is mental attraction. Does he interest you beyond the physical? Do you like him?  You get these answers and at the same time, you keep the attraction level high with activities and topics that he finds unresistably exciting. 
  

4.       Get creative. Find activities that you both find exciting that will allow you to talk, to demonstrate your prowess at ping pong, or how great you are at pool. Find activities that will bring you in close proximity to each other. Though intimacy is still three stages away, the promise of it at this stage will be exciting to you both and certainly keep the attraction growing.

5.       Continue living your life. It is so tempting at this time to blow off girlfriends in order to spend more time with this exciting stranger. However, it is best that you show him that you have a full life. The right man will respect you for it and will make him chase you even harder. For him, he will work harder to show you that he wants you. Men are competitive by nature and he will compete to be included more in your life. Also, this is a great way for him to see the life he would become a part of if the friendship progresses to deeper stages. 
  

6.       Allow him to pursue you. Just because you saw each other twice does not mean he is now one of your best friends. Allow him his space. You connected over karaoke and had a fabulous time laughing about it all the way home. Resist the urge to call him just to talk about that the same day or next. Allow him space to call you and to ask you for a follow-up date.   Trust me, he will find you more attractive this way.

7.       Stroke his ego. What do I mean? If you want a man to keep coming back for more, all you need to do is ensure that he feels good about himself when he is with you, or when he thinks about you. At this stage, a man needs to know two things. First, that he enjoys the way you look and you always look good on his arm, and two, you make the time you spend together the most fun and exciting for you both. (See the suggestions above for how to create that exciting experience.)

8.       Smile.  As simple as this sounds, we get older and we become so much more serious than we used to be. Men value a smile like the trees value sunlight. So put on a smile and get that youthful twinkle in your eye. It shows that you are happy to be with him, that you are having fun and  that you enjoy life. Men gravitate to smiles like we do to a dog wagging its tail in NYC. So smile.   

It is important that you pay attention to the stage that the relationship is at and act accordingly. At the attraction stage, you are strangers simply trying to figure out if your attraction is both mental as well as the obvious physical and if you like each other enough to proceed to the next stage and see if you can find deeper compatibility.  It really goes no deeper than that. It may feel intimate. But it’s not. This is worth baring this in mind in order to keep things in perspective.  Intimacy (of any type)at this point should be out of the question.  If you want to find true love and progress to intimacy and even marriage, it’s worth paying attention to the stage of your dating relationship and act accordingly.

Live every day as though your life depends on it ... because 
after all, IT DOES!

Image Source: mike baird via flickr

Free Relationship Coaching - Learn How To Take Control Of Your Love Life

Being in control of your life and your relationships is a powerful place to be. We all want that power, that level of control, but few seem to really know to how to achieve it. Part of the problem is that life gets busy and we never prioritize the time to study how people who manage to succeed at love actually do so. Most do not realize that people who succeed at love had a guide, a road map giving them specific instructions onhow to navigate the oftentimes confusing road to love. Despite what we have all been programmed to think from watching countless Hollywood movies, love does not happen magically. It takes know-how and it requires that we know what to look for and where to look for it. Finding the right person for you takes skill. I want to put you in the drivers seat, to teach you those skills, so you know how to find and keep the love you want.

What You Will Learn
Let me ask you. Are you enjoying the dating process right now? Or are you stressed? Do you find that you are getting what you want from the experience? Are you dealing with uncertainty because you dont know if he really likes you or what his actions mean? Without an understanding of how men really think, you could very well continue making dating mistakes that cost you years, that may have you remaining single when what you want is a loving relationship - Or worse, choose the wrong life partner. My goal is to empower you to make the correct choice, to know specifically who you want, why it must be that man and how to connect with him in a way that encourages love.  My goal is to have you quickly and decisively make the decisions you need to make.

Stages of Dating
I will discuss in detail the stages of dating, what you can expect at each stage and how to present yourself and react appropriately at each stage. For now, these are the stages of dating as determined by John Gray, who has spent decades helping people navigate successfully from initial dating all the way to marriage.

       Stage One: Attraction
       Stage Two: Uncertainty
       Stage Three:  Exclusivity
       Stage Four:  Intimacy
       Stage Five:  Engagement

By learning about the stages of dating, you will come to know what to expect from the first date. When you know what to expect, you can prepare - just as you would for any important event in your life.

Yes, dating is that important. If you truly are searching for lasting passionate love, learning how to find it is that important.

How many dates have you been on that barely survived that first date? Or, you thought the first date went well but then the guy never called? By taking the time to prepare, to know what to ask, what to look for, you can avoid these time wasting situations or turn what would have been a first and only date into a commitment. But you must know how.

Learning How To Communicate With Men
John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus wrote a book specifically to help you learn all about how men and women communicate differently. That way, you can learn to decode whatever he does and says. It's like listening to someone trying to speak to you, only they are speaking a different language.  You know they want to connect, but for the language barrier. Once you learn to speak that language, a special bonding can ensue. Most men do communicate differently to the way women do. Once that communication barrier is removed, you both have set the path for a less complicated dating experience.

At the end of the day, most men and women really want the same thing. That is true and lasting love. We all want to be loved fully and unconditionally and we want it to last. We also want to feel high levels of passion for this other person. We just approach it differently.

Making Dating Fun Again
John Gray wrote a book just for singles who are looking to find true love. It helps singles navigate the dating scene while staying in control of what happens. The book is called Mars And Venus On A Date.  This book helps you understand men's signals and behaviors at every stage of dating. This way, dating can be fun again because you are no longer guessing. Instead, you are secure in the knowledge that you know what to expect and you can be in control of each date, at each stage. You will know how to react  appropriately to whatever your romantic interest does.

One of the things that throws many good women out of the dating game istheir need to clarify where they are in the relationship. No that needing to know is a bad thing. But they spend a lot of time stressing about what the guy is thinking and feeling. They over-analyze every minute behavior. Then, when it still does not makes sense, they even resort to torturing this poor man with endless questions. When this comes from a place of stress and uncertainty, it is never a good thing.  The women who do this will almost always find that their doubt and the way they choose to express their concerns often chases a good man right out the door. At this point, most men will begin to feel stress instead of fun. He will begin thinking of her as needly and clingly and that is the kiss of death in especially in the early stages of dating.

I do understand that need for certainty, to feel that you both are advancing at the same pace, and growing in mutual attraction for each other. You just need to learn better how to feed that need, how to get the answers you want in a different way, a way that also moves the relationship along at the same time.

Subscribe or Follow Me By Email
If you follow me, I will show you how to do just that. How to get the answers you need and how to know when it's right to walk away. And for the women who do not realize that they are repeating mistakes that have sabotaged even the most well intentioned date, you will begin to identify patterns within yourself that will show you why your attempts at dating so far have been less than successful.

I will show you exactly how to identify which men are your potential matches and which one you should definitely avoid like the plague. And I will show you how to do so in just a few dates - long before you have invested emotionally in a relationship.

My Life's Purpose Is Helping You
There are those who find dating so intimidating that they opt to foego the prcess altogether. We see this in Hollywood just about every other month. They mistakenly believe that if they could just bypass this awkward stage that somehow they would get immediately to the good stuff: loving and lasting love. We also see the result of this erroneous belief. They get divorced within a few months.This just goes to show that whether your bank account has $100 million or just $1,000, we aare all the same. No only do we all desire this lasting and passionate love, we all have not been taught how to get it. We blunder through and hope for the best, or we blame the men or we think we just have bad luck.

You do not have bad luck. Love is not affected by luck. What you need is the knowledge of how to get the love you want. This drives many people to seek the help of relationship coaches. However, not all of us can afford to do that. And that is the reason I have decided to provide this dating advice for free.

My life's purpose is to help women live their best lives. This is just another way that allows me to fulfil my life goal. So I hope you join me as we help each other become who we were meant to be.

John Gray says that "the sooner you discover that a person is not right for you, the sooner you can move on to finding the right person." I could not have said it better myself.  Additional Reading:

Live every day as though your life depends on it ... because after all, IT DOES!

Additional Reading:
Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Mars and Venus on a Date

Essentials For Beautiful Skin All Summer

You will have clear smooth skin in just a few weeks!

Is your skin dotted with tiny bumps on the backs of your arms, maybe on your hips and butt? If you do, you may have a condition called Keratosis Pilaris. This condition is very difficult to treat and can leave you feeling less than your best. We all want smooth, clear skin especially during the summer months.

Well, you dont have to dread going sleeveless or wearing a bikini any longer. Keratosis Pilaris or "chicken skin" as it is commonly called (because it resembles the grainy texture of a plucked bird) can be managed.

What is Keratosis Pilaris

It is a genetic disorder that causes an overproduction of the protein Keratin found in the skin. You can read more about it and get in contact with others with this skin condition at keratosispilaris.org.

How Is Keratosis PilarisTreated

This skin condition is best attacked with a combination of products. I recommend that you try them all until you discover which ones work for you. The goal is to keep the hair follicles from becoming plogged with the excess keratin. The following products all help to do so. Some people find that regular manual exfoliation also helps.

1. Amlactin

This product works because it contains lactic acid. These acids help slough off dead skin cells, including keratin.

2. Lac Hydrin Five

This also contains lactic acid as its main active ingredient.

3. Salicylic Acid

If you've ever had acne, you are already familiar with salycilic acid. It is found in many over-the-counter products used to eliminate acne. Products such as Clearasil contain this acid. Since this product is particularly drying, you may want to apply a moisturizer after using this product. If you have a particularly stubborn patch of keratosis pilaris, you could opt to try the pure salicylic acid, leaving about 7-14 days between application. 

4. Glycolic Acid

Products like Eucerin Plus Intensive repair lotion and others contain glycolic acid. You could also use pure glycolic acid to clear areas faster. Aqua Glycolic body lotion works particularly well.

5. Clear Zal Callus Creme

 Though this creme was made for calluses, it has proven to be very effective against the stubborn chicken skin condition. It contains salicylic acid, urea and trichloroacetic acid TCA). This cream alone does the job of three separate creams. The TCA unclogs the follicles, the salicylic acid sloughs away the dead skin and the urea hydrates while helping the other ingredients penetrate into the skin. Apply once or twice daily to the affected areas and you should begin to see clearer skin within 3 weeks.  This product is not available in your local drug store. However, you can purchase it online or your doctor should be able to get it for you.

None of the five products listed is a cure for Keratosis Pilaris. However, with continued use, you will see clearer skin. It is especially important for anyone with this condition to moisturize as often as possible. 

One of the questions many people with this condition ask is how often they should shower. This question comes up because doctors routinely tell patients with this condition to limit their showers to a very short time and to avoid very hot showers. They also instruct patients to shower only once daily. As someone who has this conditon, though, I believe that more frequent showers with the aid of a wash cloth or loofah helps give you clearer skin. This is because the warm water opens up the pores and then the manual exfoliation unclogs the follicles, which is the effect you want. However, you should experiment to see which advice works best for you. 

Do you have this condition? What treatments do you use?

If you have any questions, leave me a note in the comments below.

Image Source: dollen via flickr

Why Settle For Less Than Passion?

Over the last several weeks, we looked at different methods that, if followed, will absolutely be of aid on your journey to finding your life passion, your purpose for being.

While on the topic of finding one’s purpose, it helps if the life mate you choose is one that you are passionate about. In fact, it could be just as important. Ever heard the expression "behind every good man there is a good woman"? Well, that works both ways. Most successful men know the importance of finding the woman who will allow them to do the things they do in order to remain successful. We as women must begin seeing how important mate selection is and the huge role it plays in our success or failure. 

The Right Life Partner Makes Life So Much More Enjoyable

Imagine for a moment that you read some of my articles on finding your life purpose and you are now on a mission to do so. However, you are in a relationship that creates unhappiness,  a relationship that brings you down.  How do you think that will affect your quest for life’s main goal? Of course you will be side-tracked.  Of course you will have little energy to go after your dreams.

So, along with helping you find your life passion, I also will write articles that assist you with choosing the right mate.   

You too can find the right life partner

We are all born without a guide on how to do this well.Our parents blundered through it, few managed to succeed at finding lasting love. Since our parents did not have a road-map to hand down to us, we also find ourselves adrift  in the world of love not really knowing for sure what the rules are and how to accurately pick the right guy. 

The Divorce Rate Is Outrageously High

Today, the U.S. divorce rate is around 50 per cent. That’s huge!  I am here to tell you that you can have better odds if you follow the rules. But first, you have to know the rules.

The Rules Of Dating

Let’s face it, dating can be intimidating for anyone. When you are over 40, perhaps just re-entering the dating world after many years, it can be even more so. Most of the dating books written are geared toward the 24 year old. As older women, we need concrete rules that empower us and put us in the driver’s seat of our lives. We don’t want to waste time and energy investing in one poor relationship after another. At this point in our lives, we are confident in most areas of our lives.  We need that same confidence in our romantic lives. Knowing the rules of dating and how to navigate through the process from initial meeting to marriage will give you that confidence.  I want to be a part of enabling that confidence.

What You Can Do Today

If you are ready to begin seeing yourself differently, if you are ready to finally claim your power and choose the loving, supportive, happy and passionate relationship you desire, then do one of the following:  (1) subscribe to my blog or (2) follow me by email. If you know other women who would love to finally find the relationship they deserve, then invite them to subscribe as well.

What You Will Learn

We will explore the stages of dating and what to expect at each stage. With knowledge comes power. No one goes out and purchases a car without first learning how to handle it on the road. Learning how to take charge of this important aspect of your life is far more important. Not learning how has huge consequences. Once you know what to expect, you know how to prepare and find success at every stage. I will show you red flags to look out for, how to be more attractive to your potential mate, questions you must ask and things you need to do before you commit.  I will be writing about how you can be the exception, how you can hand pick your mate, how you can find that loving relationship that lasts a lifetime.

Live every day as though your life depends on it ... because after all, IT DOES!

Image Source: tanya_little via flickr

Retin-A: Your Answer To Flawless Skin?

What is Retin-A?

Retin-A is a Vitamin A derivative that is the holy grail for promoting skin turnover. It is a prescription product

only. Dermatologists prescribe it for everything ranging from acne to aging skin. If you are over 40 and dealing with both, Retin-a is a good bet for you. Dermatologists believe this Vitamin A derivative is among the most effective and prowerful treatments available today. And they advise that you add it to your skin care routine as early as your 20's. By 40, it should be a staple in your skin care arsenal.

Why Is Retin-A Good For You?

Retin-A works because it accelerates cell turnover and promotes the growth of new healty cells. Skin cells age continuously. As we get older, the rate of turnover slows considerably causing wrinkles, age spots, blemishes, even acne to look worse. Our complexions appear dull and less youthful as a result.

Retin-A helps in the prevention of acne because of this cell turnover action. On their own pores get clogged from dead cells in the pores and hair follicles.  This results in acne. Retin-A will work to clear away all this dead skin, thus helping you see relief from adult acne revealing clearer, more blemish-free skin.

Over-The-Counter-Options

Though Retin-A is only available by prescription, you can find many Vitamin A derivatives without a trip to

the dermatologist.  These over the counter options along with the prescription brand Retin-A are all called Retinoids. They have the same benefits as the prescription and may be less irritating for those with sensitive skin. If you are not sensitive, and want to begin showing off your new flawless skin in a hurry, Retin-A will give you the faster result. Within about 3 weeks, you can expect to begin seeing clearer, more youthful skin.

Over-the-counter options take a bit longer before you begin seeing results. These are commonly referred to as Retinols. The most important thing to look out for is a product where Vitamin A is listed as one of the top 5 ingredients in the product. Great options include:  Afirm, Roc Retinol Correxion DeepWrinkle and Philosophy Help Me Retinol NightTreatment.

My personal favorite is Afirm. It has three different strengths 1x, 2x and 3x. If you have never used Retinoids, you begin with Afirm 1x and move up to 2x when your skin develops a tolerance for it.

A strong broad spectrum sunscreen is recommended to protect your skin while using any of these products. And with summer just a few weeks away, now is the time to begin using this powerful cream.

Have you added a Retinoid to your skin care routine yet? Share your results in the comments below.


   

Amy Barnes Is One Amazing Woman

If you haven't yet read Hoda Kotb's book "Ten Years Later" you should consider getting your hands on a copy today. Ten Years later features the lives of six amazing individuals who faced life's various adversities and came out the other side stronger, wiser, more purposeful that ever before. Through adversity, they found their truer selves, their life's purpose. It's about finding your passion, and thriving because of it.

Often when faced with difficulty, we as a species will do anything to avoid it. I believe that eveything happens for a reason, even tragedy. We just cannot see the reasons yet. I would urge anyone, of course, to seek out their passions, to get on their designatied life's path and in this way, avoid many of life's challenges. Not all difficulty can be eluded. And for some people, when they are forced to go through the trial instead of around it, they find their greatest strengths. They discover who they truly are and they come out the other side better for having gone through the pain.

Hoda Kotb's book, Ten Years Later made it to #12 on the New York Times Bestseller List for good reason. It is an uplifting and inspirational read.  Hoda introduces us to the six people in her book this way:

"Ten years later profiles six people who've faced a series of life's game changers and challenges - abuse, illness, addiction, grief, job loss. These people didn't just fight their way through adversity, they forged better lives because of the battle. Their journeys are measured in the very small steps that painstakingly result in change and the big, bold leaps of faith that launch dreams. The book is meant to inspire you, wow you, motivate you and move you - and maybe even do all those things within the same chapter.  [...] The courageous people who share their life stories have done so in hope of enriching yours - now or ten years later."  

One of the stories featured in this book is that of a young woman named Amy Barnes. Her story resonated so strongly with me that I find myself thinking about her throughout the day. Her story makes me wonder how I can help someone, how I can inspire someone who is going through a difficult time to believe that they too will survive.

Amy's story is one of abuse, poor self esteem and gross obesity. In 2001, at the age of 27, Amy was a married mother of two boys by different fathers. She had become a single mom at 21. Now at 27 after less than a years of marriage her husband was having an affair and her self esteem and self image were at an all time low. She had gained an incredible 140 pounds over the years and now weight 335 pounds.

After making the decision to divorce her cheating husband, a new man came into her life. But, that was not to be her happily ever after. This new man was controlling from the start, but as a love and attention starved young woman, she allowed it, choosing to believe that his behavior was just his way of showing his love. Soon, however, the mental and emotional abuse began. She was not allowed to do anything without his permission. His verbal abuse frightened her two little boys.

As anyone who has lived through the cycle of abuse knows, the emotional and verbal abuse are often precursers to the physical.The beatings became ritual. Many times, they were so severe that she could not stand. He strangled her, burned her with his cigarettes. He made a habit of spitting in her face. Yet, for years, she stayed.

As self loathing set in food became her comfort. Needless to say, this only added to her downward spiral of shame and pain.

I want to say that this type of abuse is not limited by socio economic status or by race. I have heard stories from women who run the gamut from housekeeper to pastor. Amy herself was a psychologist.

The turning point for Amy came when her husband's violence spilled onto her children. Somehow, Amy hadn't thought of herself as worth fighting for but when her abuser started abusing her children she suddenly woke up. She did lose custody of her kids due to his abuse but that awakened the warrior in her. She found the strength to fight back - not only for her children but finally for Amy as well.

Her road back to finding herself was tough. It started with her husband beating her bloody over several days while

Dont give up. The darkest part of the night comes just before dawn

shackled to him, then stabbing her mercilessly. But she kept fighting. She even fought back death.

By this time, Amy was up to 500 pounds. She worked on creating a healthy diet and healthy lifestyle that included exercise. She felt too embarassed to join a gym so she found a way to do it on her own. And did she ever! Within 9 months, this incredible woman had shed an astonishing 100 pounds.When she did join a gym, she made the time to do it. There wa sno excuse - even when it meant getting to the gym at 4:30 in the morning.

What did this incredible woman do next? She became a fitness trainer after obtaining certifications as both a trainer and nutritionist. Then she opened her own health and fitness comany.

Through years of unbelievable abuse, Amy discovered who she really was. She discovered her passion - teaching others how to recognize and avoid domestic violence and how to live healthier lives. She also works with young people in the Job Corps, many of whom come from home where domestic violence is the norm.

Here is Amy in her own words:

"The weight loss to me is the most secondary part of my life in comparison to everything else my kids and I have been through. I think I finally found my purpose."

Whatever you are going through, know that you too can survive and resurface on the other side much better than you can imagine.

Live every day as though your life depends on it ... because after all, IT DOES!

Resources To Help You Weather The Storm:
Find Your Life's Purpose
Stronger - Kelly Clarkson
Fighter - Christina Aguilera
The World - Brad Paisley
How To Improve Your Self Esteem

         


Image source: Guillaume Cattiaux via flickr

What Gets You Excited?

I'm sure you know of someone who jumps out of bed at the crack of dawn with enough energy to fuel your SUV.  She goes for a 5 mile jog most mornings while you are hitting the snooze button for the third time. She is a stellar attorney, her home could easily be an Ad for Home Magazine and she still finds time to volunteer as chair of her child's fundraising committee.

We secretly envy and or hate her because we have tried to do it all but never got close to her level of perfection.  The truth is is wish we knew her secret. How come she manages to do everything she wants? How come she seems so fulfilled.

I can share her secret with you: she is one of the lucky few who has discovered her true passion, what she was meant to do here. And for this, she has been rewarded with satisfaction and ease in life.

The good news is that you too can have it all. You too can create a life of unbridled daily passion and contentment. And it begins with discovering your life's passion.

What is passion? Passion is intense emotion. It's excitement, it is energy.  When I speak of finding your life's passion, I refer to finding that thing in life that excites you beyond any other. It is that thing that makes you feel exhilaration, satisfaction, joy.  It is the realization of your deepest desires.

Don't you want to experience that? I'm sure you do. Because finding your passion is the only sure way to

You Decide Your Life's Path

living the life you love and creating significant successes along the way.

So what excites you about your day? Sometimes it seems that our days are filled with endless monotony and dredge. But if you took the time to analyze your days, I'm almost sure you would find a few bright spots - or at least one- where you felt inspired, motivated, excited. The practice of keeping a daily journal would certainly help when you begin to analyze your days.

For the next 3 weeks, make it a point to keep a detailed daily journal. Pick a time of day when you will be uninterrupted to recap your day's activities.  Just allow your mind to flow and those special bright spots in your day will become more obvious. Record every detail about what you felt while engaged in those activities that brought you pleasure.
                                                             
At the end of the 3 weeks, you may see a common thread between the type of activities that you enjoyed.  For example, your list of activities you enjoyed may include a visit to the art gallery, tutoring children and going to the gym. At first, these activities seem unrelated. But don't give up just yet. Think back to when you went to the art gallery. Ask yourself what sculptures or paintings inspired you? What did it remind you of? What exactly did they make you feel?  Do the same with every activity you found enjoyable. The goal is to understand specifically what aspect of the experience tapped into your joy.

If you do this relentlessly, I can assure you that you will eventually find the common link between these activities. And that link, the thing that makes them all exciting to you - that will be your first clue that you are closer to discovering your life's passion.

Based on your findings, you will have a slew of career options available to you, each with the potential of  providing you with the high level of fulfillment that you desire.

You may find that the exciting factor common to all three is that they reminded you how much you loved outdoor activities such as hiking, or doing marathons. It may be that the a specific painting reminded you of your love of the ocean. Your joy at tutoring the kids may arise from the fact that you must drive along a scenic path that follows the beach for miles. By the time you get to the kids, you cannot help but be in a great mood. Your top reason for joining that particular gym, now that you think about it was that you have access to several pools as often as you like.

Do you see how how paying attention to what's pleasurable to you, keeping detailed and daily journal records, asking yourself the right question - how it can help you make connections to your inner self, your passions? Connections that you would not make otherwise?

If you have any questions, or have something to add, drop me a note in the comments box below.


Live every day as though your life depends on it ... because after all, IT DOES!
Here are two songs currently in rotation on my iphone. They help keep me motivated throughout the day:

            


More Resources to Help You Live Your Best Life:
The Purpose Driven Life - Rick Warren
Your Best Life Now - Joel Osteen


Find More Tips To Finding Your Life's Purpose:
One sure Way To Finding Your Passion
Living Your Best Life
What's The One Thing That Keeps You Honest?
Still Haven't Discovered your Passion?

Image Source: Friends Of San Jacinto via flickr